Asking good questions is a powerful skill that can transform relationships, foster learning, and encourage self-awareness. When done thoughtfully, it signals interest, deepens conversations, and helps us connect with others on a meaningful level.
- Benefits of Asking Good Questions
- Types of Questions and When to Use Them
- Techniques for Asking Better Questions
- Sample Questions to Inspire You
Benefits of Asking Good Questions
Improved Relationships
Thoughtful questions show genuine interest in others’ lives. When we employ active listening and ask meaningful questions, the recipient feels seen, heard, and valued, which strengthens the bond between both parties.
Evoke self awareness
Good questions encourage reflection. They help us—and those we engage with—explore thoughts, emotions, and perspectives more deeply. This applies not only to questions we ask others but also to those we pose to ourselves.
Unlocks learning
Questions spark curiosity and initiate the journey of seeking answers. By making questioning a habit, we cultivate a mindset of continuous learning, which enriches our lives and brings fulfillment.
Types of Questions and When to Use Them
There are many ways to classify questions, but the two primary types are open-ended and closed-ended. Understanding when and how to use these can significantly impact the quality of your interactions.
Open Ended Questions
These invite respondents to elaborate and express themselves freely, leading to richer conversations. They cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” making them ideal for exploring ideas, emotions, and experiences.
Example (Professional Setting): “What challenges have you faced on this project, and how did you overcome them?”
Example (Personal Setting): “What has been the most exciting thing in your life recently?”
Closed Questions
These are best used when you want concise responses or need to establish clarity. They are especially useful in situations requiring consent or confirmation.
Example (Clarity): “Did you complete the assignment on time?”
Example (Consent): “Do I have your permission to proceed?”
Closed-ended questions for consent should always be followed by respecting the respondent’s answer.
Techniques for Asking Better Questions
Let Go of Your Next Question
Active listening is key to asking better questions. Resist the urge to line up your next question while the other person is speaking. Instead, focus on their response, and let it guide your follow-up question. This approach fosters genuine engagement and rapport.
Consider the Receiver’s Benefit
While questions often aim to satisfy our curiosity, think about how the respondent might gain from the conversation. Great questions encourage reflection, vulnerability, and personal growth, leaving them with a sense of fulfillment.
Practice the Skill
Asking good questions is a skill that can be developed. Keep a log of impactful questions you come across and test them in your daily interactions. Pay attention to what works and refine your approach over time.
Ease Into Complex Topics
Jumping straight into tough questions can put people on the defensive. Start with lighter, engaging questions to build comfort and trust before delving into deeper matters.
- Example: Instead of starting with, “Why did you make that decision?”
Try: “Can you walk me through the thought process behind your decision?”
Make It Enjoyable
Dale Carnegie, in his timeless book How to Win Friends and Influence People, wisely advises:
“To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering.”
Questions that tap into the respondent’s areas of success, experience, and interests are likely to bring them joy. For example:
- “What’s a project you’re really proud of?”
- “What’s one thing you’ve done recently that made you feel accomplished?”
Doing a little research beforehand about the person you’re meeting can make these interactions even more impactful.
Follow up
A thoughtful follow-up question shows that you’ve been listening and are invested in the conversation. It keeps the dialogue flowing and strengthens your connection.
Be Mindful of Group Dynamics
In group settings, it’s important to ask inclusive questions that encourage everyone to participate. For example:
“What do you think about this idea? I’d love to hear different perspectives.”
These questions foster belonging and enrich the discussion by welcoming diverse viewpoints.
Watch your tone
According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s research on communication, tone accounts for 38% of the message’s impact, while 55% is body language and only 7% is the words themselves. A warm and friendly tone builds trust and encourages openness, while sarcasm or aggression can shut conversations down.
Sample Questions to Inspire You
Instead of: “How are you?”
Try: “What great things have happened since we last spoke?”
Instead of: “What’s your favorite movie?”
Try: “What movie have you watched this year that moved you to tears?”
Instead of: “What did you do last weekend?”
Try: “What’s one thing you did this weekend that made you feel proud or happy?”
Conclusion
Asking good questions is a simple yet transformative practice. It helps us engage in meaningful conversations and move beyond surface-level exchanges. Thoughtful questioning shows genuine interest, fosters self-awareness, and deepens our connections with others.
Start today. The next time you’re in a conversation, ask a thoughtful, open-ended question and truly listen to the response. You might be surprised by the depth and connection it brings. Practice this art regularly, and you’ll find it not only improves your relationships but also enriches your understanding of the world.
Lilian Ngima 
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