Nothing exists until we give it meaning. Our beliefs are formed from our experiences in the world. No two people who have walked the earth share identical experiences. A powerful example of this is the story of two brothers and their alcoholic father.
John and Michael grew up in a household marred by their father’s alcoholism. Witnessing the devastating impact of their father’s addiction profoundly affected both of them, but in vastly different ways. John, the elder brother, followed in his father’s footsteps and turned to alcohol. He saw it as an escape from the pain and disappointment of his childhood, believing that his path was predetermined. When asked about what shaped him, John stated, “Who I am today was influenced by my father.”
In contrast, Michael vowed never to let alcohol control his life. Witnessing the destruction it caused—shattered dreams and broken relationships—fueled his determination to break the cycle. Michael chose sobriety and created a life of purpose. Reflecting on his journey, Michael also acknowledged his father’s influence, stating, “Who I am today was influenced by my father.”
This story demonstrates how the same circumstances can be interpreted differently, leading to vastly different outcomes. It’s a reminder that our beliefs act as filters through which we see the world, shaping our actions and ultimately our lives.
- What Are Limiting Beliefs?
- How to Identify Limiting Beliefs
- Techniques to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
- Your Homework: Self-Assessment Exercise
- Final Reflections
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
Our beliefs can be empowering, pushing us toward growth and achievement, or limiting, holding us back from realizing our full potential. Limiting beliefs are assumptions or convictions we hold about ourselves, others, or the world that block us from achieving our goals and living the life we dream of. These beliefs often show up as a small voice in our heads, reinforcing feelings of:
- Hopelessness: “I cannot achieve that.”
- Helplessness: “I could achieve that, but I lack the ability.”
- Worthlessness: “I don’t deserve to achieve that.”
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, it’s time to confront and dismantle these limiting beliefs.
How to Identify Limiting Beliefs
Reflect on Areas of Stagnation
Examine areas in your life where you feel stuck or unable to progress. These could be related to your career, relationships, health, or personal development. Often, stagnation is a sign of underlying limiting beliefs.
Observe Your Self-Talk
Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. Do you catch yourself saying things like, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed”? Such negative self-talk is a key indicator of limiting beliefs.
Analyze Your Language Patterns
Listen to how you describe your life to others. Are you frequently saying things like:
- “I can’t do that because…”
- “That’s not for me because…”
- “I don’t believe I can…”?
These phrases often signal limiting beliefs.
Pro Tip: If the reason for not doing something has the words “Always” and “Never” it’s most likely a limiting belief
Techniques to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
Challenge the Belief
Ask yourself:
- Is this belief true?
- Why do I believe this?
Often, you’ll find that your belief is based on assumptions or past experiences that no longer serve you. For example, if you think, “I’m not good at cooking”. Is this true? Cooking is a skill have you invested the time and effort to develop the skill? Then the truth would be “I haven’t invested the effort to get good at cooking.” This shift reminds you that with time and resources, you can improve. It sends a powerful message to your brain: you are capable of change and growth.
Rephrase the Belief
Words are powerful. Rephrasing a limiting belief can shift your mindset from impossibility to potential. For instance:
- Instead of saying, “I will never have enough money to go on my dream vacation,” try, “I don’t have enough money to go on my dream vacation yet.”
Notice how removing limiting words like “never” and adding a simple word like “yet” opens up possibilities. This subtle shift reminds you that circumstances can change with effort and time.
Visualize Success
Spend time visualizing yourself achieving your goals. Close your eyes and imagine the feelings, sights, and sounds of success. Visualization helps reprogram your mind and strengthens positive beliefs.
Use Affirmations
Affirmations are powerful tools for reinforcing new beliefs. Repeat statements like:
- “I am worthy of success.”
- “I have everything I need to achieve my goals.”
Seek Support
Coaches are trained to help people identify and overcome limiting beliefs. A professional coach can guide you through a belief-change process and provide accountability as you work toward your goals.
A coach may use tools like NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Model, Timeline Therapy and many more that can help you reframe your mindset.
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming): This method focuses on reprogramming thought patterns. For instance, NLP Swish Patterns might guide you to visualize and replace your current status with your desired outcome, if you let go of the limiting belief.
Timeline Therapy: This technique allows you to revisit past events, detach negative emotions, and replace disempowering beliefs with positive ones. For example, you could redefine a memory of failure as a valuable lesson that led to growth.
Your Homework: Self-Assessment Exercise
Grab a notebook and a pen. Reflect and write:
- What is a goal you haven’t started yet or have stalled?
Write: “I can’t __________ (the goal) because __________(the reason).” List up to three reasons why you think this goal is out of reach. Don’t overthink it; just jot down what comes to mind. - Evaluate Your Reasons
Based on what we’ve discussed, are these reasons factual, or are they limiting beliefs? - Imagine an Ideal World
If these reasons didn’t exist, what steps would you take toward achieving your goal? List at least seven actions that could move you forward. - Take Action
From your list of actions, choose one and start immediately. Small, consistent steps create momentum and lead to big changes over time.
Final Reflections
The Story Of The Tea Master
In a small village in Japan, there lived a famous tea master named Takuan. He was known for his exquisite tea ceremonies and his ability to create a calm and peaceful atmosphere for his guests.
One day, while preparing for a special tea ceremony, Takuan accidentally dropped a beautiful teapot and broke it. The teapot was a family heirloom, and Takuan was devastated. He felt ashamed and embarrassed, and he wondered how he could possibly face his guests without the teapot.
After a moment of contemplation, Takuan decided to go ahead with the tea ceremony as planned. He carefully prepared the tea and served it to his guests, as if nothing had happened.
When the tea ceremony was over, one of Takuan’s guests asked him about the beautiful teapot that was usually on display. Takuan smiled and said, “I’m sorry, but I broke the teapot earlier today.”
The guests were surprised, but they did not judge Takuan. They understood that accidents happen, and they were more interested in the tea ceremony itself.
Takuan continued to serve tea to his guests, and he noticed that they were enjoying themselves even more than usual. He realized that the broken teapot had actually made the tea ceremony more special. It had created a sense of intimacy and vulnerability that had not been there before.
From that day on, Takuan never worried about breaking things. He knew that accidents were a part of life, and that they could even lead to something beautiful.
Think of the clichéd metaphor: Is the glass half full or half empty? The world will sometimes deal us a tough hand, but we have a choice of how let it influence us. Will you let limiting beliefs hold you down, or will you stand tall, take your Superman Pose, and springboard into the sky?
Yes, You Can Do It! Yes, You Are Worthy!
Share your thoughts in the comments: What limiting beliefs are you currently tackling, and what steps are you taking to overcome them?
Lilian Ngima 
Leave a comment