The other day, I received some constructive feedback. At first, I thought I was okay with the feedback and could easily action it, but as bedtime approached, I realized just how much it bothered me. I couldn’t sleep. Instead, I found myself replaying the feedback over and over in my mind. Fortunately, I now have a system for moments like this. Whenever something weighs on me at bedtime, I write it down.
So, I turned on the light, reached for my journal—a trusted companion that lives on my bedside table—and started jotting down my emotions. I captured what I was feeling and began pragmatically reviewing the feedback. The moment the thoughts left my mind and landed on paper, a sense of relief washed over me. Sleep came easily, and I drifted off like a baby. This simple act of writing has been a game changer, and I swear by it.
You see, I’ve grown to enjoy the fruits of self-awareness. I’ve learned to observe my reactions and analyze experiences with clarity. Feedback and I have a long history. Growing up, I was the “perfect child”—perfect grades, perfect manners, and the perfect role model. This identity of being “perfect” shaped how I viewed myself and the world. It made me risk-averse; I avoided anything I felt I couldn’t excel at. And when I failed, it felt catastrophic.
The Turning Point
The first real shake-up of my “perfect” persona came during my first year in university, courtesy of Calculus 101. Academic excellence had always been my strength, but this subject was truly humbling. I struggled with a few other courses as well, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I beat myself up over every shortcoming, attaching shame and failure to every less-than-stellar grade. It never occurred to me to acknowledge the effort I had put in or to give myself credit for earning a C instead of failing. All I could see was the “failure” of not getting an A.
Fast forward nearly a decade, and I found myself in the workplace. After a six-month probation period, my manager extended it for another three months because my performance wasn’t meeting expectations. The audacity, right? (Cue, my dramatic eye roll.) But as I reviewed the feedback, I realized it was valid. There were clear areas where I could improve. Rather than letting this setback impact my self-worth, I took a step back and created an action plan to address the areas that needed work. The difference this time? I had grown. I now approached the situation with curiosity and a genuine willingness to improve. I had discovered the growth mindset.
Discovering the Growth Mindset
During this period, I became an avid listener of Impact Theory by Tom Bilyeu. He frequently referenced the concept of the growth mindset, which led me to Dr. Carol Dweck’s groundbreaking book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Reading it was a transformative experience. It opened my eyes to the potential for growth in every setback and reshaped how I approached challenges.
What Is a Growth Mindset?
A growth mindset, as defined by Carol Dweck, is the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. In contrast, a fixed mindset assumes that our talents and intelligence are static traits—you either have it, or you don’t.
Most of us exhibit both growth and fixed mindsets in different areas of our lives. For example, you might embrace challenges at work while avoiding them in your personal life. The key is self-awareness. Ask yourself: Am I responding from a growth mindset or a fixed mindset?
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
Here’s a quick comparison to illustrate the differences:
| Trait | Growth Mindset | Fixed Mindset |
|---|---|---|
| View of challenges | Embrace challenges as opportunities to grow | Avoid challenges to protect self-esteem |
| Effort | See effort as essential for mastery | View effort as a sign of inadequacy |
| Feedback | Use feedback to improve | Ignore or take feedback personally |
| Failure | View failure as a stepping stone to success | See failure as proof of incompetence |
| Success of others | Feel inspired and learn from others’ success | Feel threatened by others’ success |
Benefits of Embracing a Growth Mindset
Grounded Self-Awareness
You become comfortable with imperfections, viewing them as opportunities to learn rather than flaws to hide.
Willingness to Take Risks
A growth mindset encourages you to try new things and take on challenging opportunities. For instance, you might apply for a role you don’t feel fully qualified for, knowing you’ll grow into it.
Improved Relationships
With a growth mindset, you’re more open to feedback and collaboration, which fosters healthier and more productive relationships.
Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills
When you believe solutions are discoverable, even the most daunting problems become puzzles waiting to be solved.
Resilience in the Face of Failure
Failure becomes a source of motivation rather than a roadblock. Each setback is an opportunity to learn and refine your approach.
Practical Steps to Develop a Growth Mindset
If you’re ready to cultivate a growth mindset, here are some actionable steps to get started:
Cultivate Curiosity
Approach life with the mindset of a curious learner. Ask questions, explore new ideas, and seek out experiences that challenge your perspective.
Reframe Your Language
Replace fixed-mindset phrases like “I can’t do this” with growth-oriented alternatives like “I can’t do this yet.” Words matter.
Seek Opportunities to Learn
Take courses, read books, and attend workshops that push you out of your comfort zone.
Focus on Effort, Not Outcomes
Celebrate the effort you put into a task, regardless of the result. For example, completing a challenging workout is an achievement in itself, even if you didn’t hit a personal best.
Reframe Failures as Learning Opportunities
When something doesn’t go as planned, ask yourself: What can I learn from this? For example, if a presentation doesn’t land well, identify areas for improvement instead of dwelling on what went wrong.
Celebrate Progress
Acknowledge small wins along the way. Progress, not perfection, is the goal.
Embrace and Seek Feedback
Instead of fearing feedback, view it as a gift that can help you grow. Actively seek input from trusted mentors, peers, and friends.
Final Thoughts
I recently came across a post by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) that deeply resonated with me: “The distance between where you are and where you want to be isn’t measured in miles. It’s measured in mindset shifts.”
Your journey toward a growth mindset starts with a single step. Take a moment today to reflect on an area of your life where you feel stuck. Apply one of the practical steps above, and notice the difference it makes. Remember, the power to grow lies within you—you just have to tap into it.
Lilian Ngima 
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