“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
— Carl Jung
There’s something quietly confronting about this quote. Not dramatic. Not loud. Just uncomfortably accurate.
Because when you pause long enough to really think about it, you begin to notice how much of life is lived on autopilot. Decisions made out of habit. Reactions triggered before thought. Patterns repeated and explained away as “this is just how things are.”
And then we call it fate.
Or bad luck.
Or personality.
Yet, underneath it all, something else is operating.
Self-Awareness: The Foundation We Often Skip
I make a strong case for this: the quality of your life improves in direct proportion to how intentionally you live — and intentional living starts with self-awareness.
At its simplest, self-awareness is the ability to recognise your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
And here is an intentional distinction I want to make — I am leaving out understanding.
Because to be aware is not to analyse or explain.
It is to notice.
You observe a thought.
You register an emotion.
You see a behaviour.
You may not understand why it is there.
You may not yet know what to do with it.
But you know it exists.
And that alone changes the dynamic.
Because before awareness, everything runs unchecked.
After awareness, you have choice.
The Extra Layer Most People Never Develop
Naturally, we develop a basic level of self-awareness as we grow. We learn social cues. We understand consequences. We recognise, to some extent, how our actions affect others.
But the self-awareness I’m referring to here goes a step further.
It is meta self-awareness — the ability to observe yourself while you are thinking, feeling, and behaving.
And then, instead of immediately reacting, defending, or justifying, you pause.
This deeper layer allows for more targeted introspection and extrospection, with the aim of improving emotional intelligence and positively impacting areas like leadership, productivity, and personal growth.
And here’s the empowering part.
Self-awareness is not a personality trait.
It is a competency.
Which means it can be learned.
Practised.
Strengthened.
How to Nurture Self-Awareness
Start With Where the Gaps Are
Don’t start with theory. Start with friction.
Identify one area of your life that isn’t working the way you hoped it would.
Not everything.
Not your entire identity.
Just one.
Maybe your productivity feels inconsistent.
Maybe your leadership feels reactive under pressure.
Maybe your personal growth feels stuck on repeat.
And then, instead of rushing to fix it, pause.
Ask yourself: What is actually happening here?
That question alone shifts you from autopilot into awareness.
Observe Without Judgement
I can’t say this enough: we are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves.
When someone we love struggles, we reassure them.
When a friend makes a mistake, we contextualise it.
When it’s us, we shame.
So here’s a real question worth sitting with:
Are you a loved one to yourself?
Now comes the practice.
Train yourself to observe objectively.
“When this happened, how did I react?”
“Hmmm… interesting.”
No labels.
No self-attack.
And then take it a step further.
“Has this happened before?”
“Did I respond in a similar way?”
“Oh. There’s a pattern.”
The intention here is not blame.
It is visibility.
Because once your brain knows you are watching a particular pattern, something subtle happens.
The next time the situation arises, you pause.
You recognise it.
You gain a moment of choice.
That moment is where self-awareness lives.
Apply the Same Curiosity to Your Thoughts
Thoughts are powerful — but they are not instructions.
Observe them.
Notice how quickly your mind narrates situations.
Notice the assumptions.
Notice the conclusions.
You can even make it lighter by naming the voices.
“There’s the Inner Critic.”
“Ah, Catastrophiser has entered the room.”
“Perfectionism again.”
Allow thoughts to exist.
Here’s the reminder many people need to hear:
A thought existing does not mean it must be acted on.
You can notice it, acknowledge it, and move on.
This skill alone can dramatically improve focus, emotional regulation, and decision-making — especially under pressure.
Tools That Support Self-Awareness
Self-awareness doesn’t grow by accident. It grows through intentional practices.
Journalling
Journalling creates a mirror — not for perfection, but for patterns.
Simple prompts are enough:
- What happened?
- How did I respond?
- What did I feel?
- What am I noticing over time?
You’re not journalling to be poetic. You’re journalling to be honest.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is simply the practice of paying attention on purpose.
Not sitting cross-legged.
Not emptying your mind.
Just noticing what’s happening — in real time.
It might look like:
- Noticing your emotional state before a meeting
- Pausing before responding to a difficult email
- Becoming aware of tension in your body during stress
Mindfulness builds awareness in motion — right where life is happening.
Energy Tracking
Instead of only managing time, start observing energy.
When do you feel most focused?
When do you feel drained?
Productivity improves dramatically when you work with your natural rhythms instead of fighting them.
Feedback From Trusted People
Self-awareness has blind spots by definition.
Ask trusted people about your strengths and your growth areas.
Listen without defending.
Notice emotional reactions.
Those reactions are clues.
Why This Matters for Goals, Productivity, and Leadership
Without self-awareness:
- Goals feel forced
- Productivity feels exhausting
- Leadership becomes reactive
With self-awareness:
- Goals align with who you are becoming
- Productivity becomes intentional
- Leadership becomes grounded and consistent
And then growth becomes sustainable — not performative.
Final Thoughts: Awareness Is the First Step Out of Autopilot
Self-awareness is not self-indulgence.
It is self-responsibility.
It is choosing observation over reaction.
Curiosity over judgement.
Clarity over autopilot.
So start small.
Choose one area.
Notice one pattern.
Pause once before reacting.
Because once the unconscious becomes conscious, life stops feeling like fate — and starts feeling like choice.
And that is where real transformation begins.
Lilian Ngima 
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